- President Dubya was awakened one night by an urgent call from the Pentagon. "Mr. President," said the four-star general, barely able to contain himself, "there's good news & bad news." "Oh, no," muttered the President, "Well, let me have the bad news first." "The bad news, sir, is that we've been invaded by creatures from another planet." "Gosh, and the good news?" "The good news, sir, is that they eat reporters and pee oil."
- A Congressional aide asks the politician: "What are we going to do about the new abortion bill?" The politician's reply: "Shhhhh -- just pay it."
- In an attempt to thwart the spread of bird flu, President George W. Bush has bombed the Canary Islands. Turkey is next.
- A man goes to Spain and attends a bullfight. Afterwards he goes to a nearby restaurant and orders the specialty of the day. The waiter brings him two very big balls on a huge plate, which the tourist eats with relish. The next day he goes to the same restaurant again, once again orders the specialty of the day, and he is brought two very big balls on a huge plate. It tastes even more scrumptious. The third day he does the same and the fourth, but on the fifth day he goes to the restaurant and orders the specialty of the day, and they bring him two very small balls on a big plate. The man asks, "What gives?" And the waiter says, "Senor, the bullfighter doesn't always win!"
- A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself. Hysterically the blonde responds to the husband, ''Shut up...you're next!''
- Doc, I can't stop singing the 'Green Green Grass of Home'. He said: 'That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome'. 'Is it common?'I asked. 'It's not unusual' he replied.
- I went to the doctors the other day and I said, 'Have you got anything for wind?' So he gave me a kite.
- Slept like a log last night........ Woke up in the fireplace.
- Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy whips out his phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps, "My friend is dead! What can I do?" The operator says "Calm down. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence, then a gun shot is heard. Back on the phone, the guy says "OK, now what?"
housands
of candles can be lighted from a single candle, and the life of the
candle will not be shortened. Happiness never decreases by being share
Read more at http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/quotes/b/buddha417367.html#Q3uewlhqgPEi54av.99
Read more at http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/quotes/b/buddha417367.html#Q3uewlhqgPEi54av.99
Thousands
of candles can be lighted from a single candle, and the life of the
candle will not be shortened. Happiness never decreases by being shared.
Read more at http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/quotes/b/buddha417367.html#Q3uewlhqgPEi54av.99
Read more at http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/quotes/b/buddha417367.html#Q3uewlhqgPEi54av.99
Thousands
of candles can be lighted from a single candle, and the life of the
candle will not be shortened. Happiness never decreases by being shared.
Read more at http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/quotes/b/buddha417367.html#Q3uewlhqgPEi54av.99
Read more at http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/quotes/b/buddha417367.html#Q3uewlhqgPEi54av.99
No comments:
Post a Comment